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HABIT SEVEN

Know Who You Are (And Aren’t)

In reading about this habit, you will begin at a new level to discover who God made you to be and what you do well. Such a discovery can introduce you to new levels of confidence, strength, self-satisfaction, and joy while simultaneously freeing you from covetousness, jealousy, and envy of other’s successes.

After thirty-five years in my chosen career, I have learned the importance of recognizing both who I am and who I am not. Having come to terms with this has introduced me to levels of peace and, surprisingly, a freedom from covetousness that I could never have experienced under the old paradigm. Career decisions are easier, I judge others less, am less jealous of other’s successes, and less proud of my own, and am freer to enjoy and appreciate who God made me to be. I am also freer to enjoy others and who God made them to be. Come along with me.

The Five Selves
Years ago, a friend loaned me an old textbook on behavior and advised me to read it. In it I learned some ideas about how to evaluate who we really are. I learned that it is simplistic to think there is only one perception of our self. There are multiple perceptions in even our own minds and the minds of those who “know” us. Let’s take a look at these perceptions—the five selves.

The first self is the one I want to be. I imagine what I would like to be, do, or am becoming. Before long, those imagined images have been adopted by myself as my own impression of who I am—my hoped-for self. However, as you know, what is imagined is not necessarily real. It often is not. We could call it the “dreamed self.” With careful thought, we can separate our true self from our imagined, successful self, but it usually takes a dose of honesty and self-criticism.

The second self is the one we think ourselves to actually be—especially in our moments of honest reflection. The self we honestly think we are may, of course, vary with moods. Usually, we all admit that we are not as bad as we think we are when we are down on ourselves, nor are we as good as we think we are when we are especially happy with ourselves. This second self is neither of those, but somewhere in the middle. The person that I acknowledge in my inner heart is the self I perceive myself to really be. We could refer to this as the “admitted self.”

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© 2003 Ron Meyers